A Boss that Cares (Lulu)

I have always been the little guy at any job I have had and lets just say that my idea of "corporate" was not a very nice one.  I always had the idea that the big CEO's sit in their pretty little offices and that they have no clue what goes on in the little guys life nor would they even know who any of them are.

I had a incident that happed recently that turned that image around for me.  I love the company I work for and I love what I do.  But up until the other day I never realized that there are still a few CEO's who actually care about what happens in the lives of their employees.

I was the victim of a scam and on payday my bank account got wiped out.  As with everyone else in the world...I live paycheck to paycheck.  Not having that money meant that bills weren't gonna get paid and I wasn't going to be able to put food on the table while my kids were there.  Needless to say I lost all sense of hope and actually broke down at work in tears.  My manager called me into her office to find out what was going on so I told her.  At the end of the day she again pulled me in the office and told me that she had talked to the big guy (giving only minimum details) and asked what they should do.  His response..."Write her another check"

I was so blown away

The thing is, is that it does not stop there.  While I was at work the next day my big gray hair actually tried to call the CEO of the company to thank him.  Of course he could not get through to him but left a message anyways.  I was so proud of him.  As soon as he told me he did that my head went through the whole thoughts of....1. uh yeah kid, first of all it's the big guy so of course you wouldn't be able to actually talk to him.  2. It's a Saturday so of course you wouldn't reach him.  3.  The big guy will probably never get the message and even if he does why is he going to pay any attention to some kid of some employee.  Of course I never said that to Cody but I thought it.

BOY WAS I WRONG!!!

Yesterday my son received a letter in the mail, written and signed by the big guy himself, telling him he had gotten his message and that he was blown away that a teenage boy took the time to call his mothers employer just to say thank you.  He said the nicest things to my son and it touched my heart.  Not only that but he included a $50 gift card to Outback Steakhouse with a sticky note that said "here you can take your mom out to dinner". 

I am proud to say I work for a boss who actually cares about the little guys.

My kids (Lulu)

Tonight was a night filled with sappy moments between my kids and it makes me realize just how lucky I am to have the kids that I do.


So this is my big gray hair.

And this is my little gray hair.

Yeah they have their moments, and yeah they can surely drive me crazy, but tonight I feel blessed.

We had such a great night bowling and we even took my son's girlfriend along.  Even with her there my son made sure and took the time to help his little sister.  He would go up there and coach her on ways to throw the ball.  He would cheer for her when she actually got a pin or two down.

At one point we were all laughing and she just stopped and looked at me and said "I am so lucky mom.  I have the best brother in the whole world."  She kept going up to hug him and he would hug her back. 

I don't know about any of you but that is NOT how I remember things with my brothers.  Our time spent together usually ended up with someone bleeding.  And you would NEVER catch any one of us admitting that we actually loved each other.

I almost started getting teary eyed (yes girlz, I know, that doesn't actually take much) when his girlfriend was telling me about how last week when they were at their dads he actually told her they had to put the phone call on hold because he needed to go tuck his sister in.  That has been the hardest thing for me with the divorce because I have tucked them in every night since they were born.  Knowing that he takes care of her and does it for me seems to make it a little better.

I couldn't ask for anything more right now.

The Break Up Kit (Zaad)

I did it.

I broke up with JD. :(

But I was prepared with my break up kit <- over there, first.  It was already pointed out to me that I forgot smokes and Diet Pepsi, but trust me, it's all right here next to me.

Bex was here for moral support (thanks, btw) and I was able to get through the horribleness of breaking up with someone.

I hated hurting him.  But I know in my heart it was the right decision.  I know this because, inside, I feel mostly relieved.  The pain I am feeling is mostly from feeling bad that I hurt him.  And I loved that he fit in so well with my friends and family.

If only he *got* me.... 

But he didn't, and I couldn't make him understand. 

I do want to say a big fat thank you to all 3 of my Girlz for being here for me.  Your texts and support mean so much.  I always know that I am never really alone.  I am lucky in that way.  And of course, to have my sister here was beyond helpful.  I was literally shaking.  I gave him the option of talking in person, but he just wanted me to say what I had to say and get it done with.

I told him the truth:  that I didn't feel that he and I were going to work;  that I felt like he needed to get his life together, on his own, and I couldn't have the pressure of making everything ok for him.  HE needs to do that.  I told him that everything felt like way too much for me;  that he wants a different type of relationship than I do.  I couldn't say much more than that, except that I was extremely sorry.  Because I am.

He's already been here to get his stuff.  It was extremely awkward.  But, now... now I am eating candy.

Am I EVER going to find someone that loves me as much as he did, yet gets me?  Am I ever going to find someone that can go at just the right pace?  Not too slow, not too fast, just normal?  Am I ever going to find someone who is both awesome and wants me for who I am? 

I'm not going to change.  I mean: hopefully I will always continue to grow and change and learn, but I'm not going to change who I am inside.  Not really.  I am who I am. 

Just sayin'.

Dude. Boys Suck. (Zaad)

Ok, so honestly, Bex is going through more shit than me right now, and I get that, but dude, seriously, BOYS SUCK. And due to our very real and very frequent history of *sympathy feelings*, this could all, indeed, be HER fault.

[Don't even get me started on the other day when my bladder actually hurt and I had a spot of BLOOD in my urine at the EXACT moment when she was getting a CAT scan on her bladder done and she literally thought she peed her pants.  STOP messing with my wa (or my vagina), Bex!  It's really weird.]

So it's possibly due to the fact that her and Jeff are fighting that I feel like this. However, right now, I feel like BOYS SUCK.  JD is great and all, and perhaps maybe he's right and I'm not all that great, but at least I know my faults and fucking apologize if and when I EVER even THINK I may have hurt his feelings.   Why are guys so different?  Why is saying you're sorry either 1. unheard of or 2. even difficult at all??

If you're a douche, than you get to apologize.  If you don't want to EVER be wrong, you're on a hard, tight line that you will fall off of.  Because I know ONE thing for absolute certain, I will NOT be starting any relationship whatsoever with double standards of any kind.  Period.  That's the God's honest truth.  I have learned that you teach people how to treat you and if you accept certain behaviors and double standards in the beginning, than you'd better be ready for it for the long haul.

OBVIOUSLY the honeymoon is over.  Whether JD wants to be a part of my life is entirely up to him right now.  Currently, I think he is so prideful and so into *me* being the one to say I'm sorry, that he JUST MAY be stubborn enough to shoot himself in the foot with this one. 

And for something so stupid, really.  But, in this instance, it really is the principle of the matter and I'd rather be alone than feel like I'm settling for double standards.

Your turn, Bex.

Just sayin'.

At one moment... I thought I was going to die... (Bex)

Ok, I had such an odd morning...

I was supposed to go to my make-up class this am... But as usual I was running late this morning, so last minute I decided that I was going to do the other errands I had to do in Oakland County. (The mediation training I had done needed some paperwork, before they could schedule my practicum... AND I still needed to do my Ward visit for my guardianship review.)

As part of one of my classes, we do Guardianship reviews. (For those of you who are unfamiliar... Guardian is the person looking after the ward; Ward is the incapacitated individual; the reviews are done yearly by a 'court officer', today that 'court officer' was me!)

So just to preface this correctly... I did not know what type of apartment complex this was that I was walking into... (senior living, mental disability, etc...) I did not know why the ward was incapacitated... (physically, mentally, etc...)

So the ward meets me in the lobby and asked, "so do you want to go to my apartment or sit down here?" And actually I needed to go to the apartment to "observe" his living situation. So as we were walking to his apartment... down several long hallways, and up a set of stairs, he says, "we should take the stairs because they will wonder why I have a woman in my apartment and it will be safer for you." And I looked around, nobody was out in the hallways... So, I blew it off, he seemed quite "normal" and I still couldn't figure out what his "disability" was... Most of the talk has been pretty "normal".

Then we go into the apartment and as I'm sitting down in the chair he has pulled out for me... He is folding and placing a rug next to the door to cover the light/sound from the hallway... "Now, a little voice is saying, Ok little odd, maybe not safe... Nah, he seems harmless..."

Then we start talking and shortly I discover what his disability is... with these statements that he made to me during the conversation:
1. I was abducted many times and raped when I was an infant...
2. I started seeing a psychiatrist, and I know now that my father was not one of the men lined up to rape me when I was an infant, it was someone that just looked like him, a lot like him...
3. One of my sisters is an imposter, I could tell in high school...You know how you can tell when one is working and the other is not...
4. By the way, did you know about my injuries... The cannibals got a piece of my skull, I have (a lot of misc) broken bones in my face, and an X shape fracture in my face...
5. They have abducted and doped me up a lot and made me do things and lined up to rape me and there were people watching from the window...
(Yes at this point, I started to think... Oh my god, this is it, this is were I am going to die... he was harmless, never made any move or anything ... just scary delusions that I didn't want to be a part of!)
6. I was seeing a girl whose ex boyfriend just out of jail for murder and he is trying to kill me and there was a witness that lived across the hallway and they said she moved out, but I don't think so...
7. (My favorite!) They call this psychosis, but I don't think so, those people are too evil and real...

At this point, I kindly made my exit as quickly as I could... It was weird because even though he told me so many details of these obvious delusions, we did have numerous periods of conversation that felt so "normal" (like talking about the date, weather, going grocery shopping, ...).

As I was walking out of the apartment he pointed out his "sound-makers"... These were items that he propped against the door so if anyone tried coming in when he was sleeping, he would wake up (they included a big box, sticks for either side of the door, and a screwdriver for the top of the door)

He was truly a pleasant man to speak with... but for any of you who know me, I don't know how to handle "insanity". It took everything in my body to not laugh, because when I'm that uncomfortable that's how I can handle things... Ok sometimes, and this happened to be one... I wanted to laugh... Is this man for real or is he really fucking with my head?????

I made it out safely... But rest assured, If and when I do another one... I will take someone with me!!!

Hope you all have a safe day/night!