Feelings (Lulu)

I have thought about the whole situation non-stop. There are so many feelings and emotions and I do not know where to even begin. Remorse....well that is something there is a lot of. Hindsight is always 20/20 and there are so many things I wish I would have done differently. I love the Girlz, they mean more to me than words can ever express. I have not posted or talked about any of this for what I thought was the right reason, but unfortunately I did not see that it could be taken that I don't feel remorse or that I do not care about how everybody else is feeling because I do. Losing the Girlz is the scariest thing in life for me, hurting any of them or putting them in the middle was never my intension and I am truly, truly sorry.

Turmoil and the Middle (Bex)

So much turmoil and so much drama...

As some of you know, and others can guess... There is much turmoil with the girlz...
I realize it is not my place to spew the whole story, so I won't.

But, I have to get this off my chest...And believe me, I am trying to make this post as neutral and honest as I can... I am not trying to hurt anyone...

I feel so torn. Torn between friends. Two of my best friends in the world are having a moment that I don't think is repairable. And I say this because IF it were me on the one side, I don't know that I could forgive. I don't have that in me, as I know the one side probably doesn't either.

Yet, I find myself wishing this never would have happened. And mostly for selfish reasons. I hate being stuck in the middle. And I don't hold that against one. However, I feel myself taking a side. And I don't want to take sides. I want everything to be the way it was...

Yet, one friend hardly seems to feel remorse at all for what has happened, and that makes me sad. It makes me wonder. Are all friendships that easy to throw away? Why do some people fight to keep the ones that seemed to mean the most next to them, yet, others seem to give up as if it doesn't really matter?

There was a post by "Anonymous" that has been bothering me... It said...
"Hmmm... Maybe it wasn't the friend that caused this. Maybe it's the asshole who thought it was over a long time ago. Maybe your too concerned with what you think is right and wrong, instead of their happiness. I don't think you should be mad at her at all, but who cares what my opinion is, right?"

When you find the type of friendship I thought the 4 of us had... there is a trust that develops that I have never felt before with girls... you share everything. Things you want to do, things you should not do, things that you have done...there is complete honesty, even when that honesty is sometimes harsh and complicated. You share things you would not share with just anyone. I have NO secrets with my girlz. They know everything about me. I have never lied to them, nor do I ever intend to. If anyone of them asks me a question, I have to be honest with them, even if I don't want to because I may be ashamed of the truth.
And I had to say all that to get to my point. Anonymous said "instead of their happiness"; but what about all the hurt and anguish "this happiness" now caused the one friend? when the other KNEW how much this would hurt? Do we not take that into consideration? do we look at ALL the aspects of this? What about the betrayal of trust and honesty that now all of us feel because of this? And the appearance of lack of remorse is astounding. The lack of care that the girlz club may not be anymore because of this is hurtful to all involved. This is NOT about wanting one to be happy and not the other. [We ALL want each other to be happy, but not at the cost of one of us.]
THIS about betrayal of trust and honesty between friends.

There are ways to handle sticky situations... And in the last few years us girlz have had our fair share of them. But we have come out of them stronger because we were always open, honest and loyal to each other. We would have done anything and everything for each other. But when you take away the openness, the honesty, and loyalty out of any situation, HOW do you not get mad? How do you not get hurt, when the effects of the shotgun bullet hit you too?

How do you let one friend do that to another? How do stay out of it? How do you pretend life is the same and everything is wonderful, when now your life has been completely altered because of someone else's choice...

I'm just saying...

And that's only one turmoil in my life right now... There are many... But I won't continue to bore you with them tonight. It's late, I can't sleep, but I should try.

Really from Bex

OMG!!!! Winning every card game is sooooo much fun!!!!

Thanks girls for a great winning girl night!!!

Love ya !

Bex

Zaad

It is true.

And hard. And sad. I am angry. I am hurt that Tink is hurt, I am confused about what happened, and why. But most of all I am pissed that this SACRED Girlz Club just might be over.

I am mad that Bex and I are caught in between, almost in as much shock as Tink, wondering which way to go. We aren't in a very fair position and I don't know what to do.

I love you both. I don't agree with what Lulu did. I am sorry that Tink may never get over it. And I feel caught between old friends and new, right and wrong.

I wish I could write more about the situation, but too many feelings would get hurt. Those involved know what I'm saying, though.

Tink: This, too, shall pass.
Lulu: What were you thinking?
Bex: What do we do from here?

I love you GIRLZ. Just sayin'.

Holy crap! I have a brain! (Lulu)

I went to Robert Half Inc. today (which is a staffing agency) and basically sat and took 2 1/2 hrs of tests today in various accounting procedures and computer applications.

I have been doing my own accounting for years and I knew I was pretty good at it, but not great. So after taking all the tests the recruiter sat me down to go over all of my scores. When it came to the Microsoft Excel program I actually would have had 100% but stupid me hit a wrong button! I was shocked to see my score of 99% According to Samantha (my recruiter) most applicants score 79-83%. On several of the other tests I was only a few percentages away from being considered above average!

So, I am very excited to say that she immediately scheduled me for an interview at a company in Birmingham on Tuesday morning so wish me luck!!

but even if I do not get the job I feel so great now. It was definitely a self-esteem booster that I was sooooo greatly in need of!!

Something New!

Ok, I got a job offer yesterday!!
Yeah me!!!!

But how do rejoice when you know someone else is hurting because the job she really wanted she didn't get? I am sorry Lu... I really was hoping for you... Even with all the chaos that both of us working will bring... I was hoping that you would have gotten that job... I know how it means to you. Don't give up, it is a hard struggle, but I promise something will come along. And when I was talking about at least you will have the SACC bill and my kids, I was only trying to comfort you in your financial worries. Please know, that I was intentionally trying not to worry about the babysitting thing, so that we both got the jobs... (I have this way of worrying about babysitters, and they end falling in my lap, usually b/c someone has lost a job...)

Tink asked me last night... "What's wrong with you? You should be happy you have a job"... And it really was just hard to be happy when someone else was turned down...

BUT I AM!!! I start on Jan 17th!!! I can't wait... well, maybe I can... You know us women, we are never happy!!!

Thank you to all of you who kept your fingers crossed!!