Remember (Bex)

STRENGTHN IN NUMBERS....

you can do anything if you have your support... One: you can get through this rough time and Two: i need help getting her through!!!


Which is why I called an impromptu emergency girlz meeting, to help get Lu packed and moved... Dude she almost started crying on me like 3 or 4 or 5 time yesterday, and I was like ok, look, where are the other 2?! I can't handle this sappy shit!

you know i mean that with the most love Lu!

Losing It (Lulu)

I just wanted to be able to say that through this whole divorce I was able to remain nice and respectful.....Who the hell was I kidding!!!!!!

Last night I lost it!!!! We were trying to work out the details of me moving out and signing the business over to him. I tried to do up the paperwork so that I not only covered my ass but it covered his as well. He wouldn't agree to any of the parts that covered me!! He got mad at me because I didn't "trust" him. How am I supposed to do that when more times than I can count he has said "I just keep thinking I should be a real asshole about all this!!!" I also just think it is smart for BOTH of us to have this in writing!

Needless to say we had to take it outside (cuz unfortunately this all took place at Bex' house)....sit in the truck...and hash it all out!

After awhile I just lost it! I did not sugar coat the reasons as to why I want a divorce! I was honest and blunt and no longer took his feelings into consideration. Part of me feels really bad about that though cuz I wanted to try and be as nice as possible...I wanted to be able to talk through all this stuff...I wanted to remain true to the type of person I am! I have always been pretty good about not letting my anger get to me and unfortunately that usually ends up with me getting the shaft but I was always able to be proud of how I handled myself. But THIS....THIS is getting harder and harder to remain nice! Why can't he see that I am just trying to do what is fair for both of us and the kids. I have no alterior motive like he thinks! And quite honestly if he were to put his emotions aside and really look at everything...I mean REALLY look at it all he would see that I am pretty much giving him everything....I am walking away with almost nothing! If he ends up making it so the courts have to decide everything then he will only have himself to blame when he has to pay up the ass and actually split the stuff with me!!!

But that is not how I want things to be....

Need all Positive Energy... Now Please! (Bex)

Ok, so I went on a job interview today...

Without going into great detail about the job itself...

I want this job. So much so, that I would be willing to seriously slow down on school for a semester to make it work.

All I am asking from everyone is to put out the good vibes or prayers or whatever it is you do when you really want something... so that I get this job!!!

Is that too much to ask?

Oh, and Thank you to everyone in advance...

When Words Are Not Enough (Lulu)

Right now my life is soooooo overwhelming

• Divorce - damn I never realized there was so much paperwork involved just to get it started. Paperwork that you have to have to file but yet the courts can't give it to you cuz there is no official forms. And here I thought it would be easier without involving an attorney.
• College - Of course I just have to decide to do it when I have everything else going on. So I officially go back to school on July 29th. In a few years I will actually have my Bachelors in Accounting. Its only something I have talked about for at least 10 years.
• House hunting - Basically I am screwed on buying a place (no credit...I was stupid enough to let him put everything in his name all these years), Renting isn't much of an option cuz the payments are like double what a mortgage payment would be.
• Job Hunting - I need more than the business that Mike and I own together...gotta have some security. I haven't written a resume in like 15 years!!!!!
• Emotions - well theres no explanation needed for that one. If ya don't like the mood I am in just wait a few minutes cuz it will change.
• Kids - doing my best to keep everything sane and as normal as I can for the situation

With all of this I have come to some major realizations. I always knew that my girlz are the best but I guess I never realized just how much I could actually depend on them. How do you say thank you when that really isn't enough. I sat there at girl night and just watched them all do everything they can to help me figure out all of this. Their brains and hearts were working so fast and hard that I was left with that feeling of ....well I really cant describe it! The sacrifices they were and are willing to make....the phone calls that were made....the words of encouragement that were said.....

For the first time since all of this started I actually feel like I am going to make it. I know it wont be easy and I know I will have moments of ....OH MY GOSH! What was I thinking!? But now I also know that when I have those moments I am not alone. When I need to be reminded of who I am....they are there to do it. I don't know how to thank you....nor do I know what I did to deserve such amazing friends. You give me courage, strength and laughter and words will never be enough to express my gratitude.

Two of the Most Beautiful Pictures I Have Ever Seen (Zaad)

So:

1. Thanks for finally posting jackass.

2. You couldn't have picked two more perfect pictures if you tried. Your girls, OUR nieces, are gorgeous. You should be proud.

and

3. The second picture is how I see Tink. It's the Tink that I think most of the world misses because she hides under a veil of toughness and rough edges. But that is her: laughing. Always laughing, especially when her girls are happy. She has a light in her that shines when she laughs that, I don't know, that open and loud and funny laugh that she has and this picture shows it perfectly.

Very nice, Tink.

Just sayin'.

The Sweet Life (Zaad)

Well, in following with Lulu's optimistic theme, I just want to say, I had a great weekend.

Yesterday, Tough Guy and I took all four kids to the park and met up with friends of his for a BBQ. The weather was good, the company was fun and most importantly, the kids all had a blast.

The boys even asked if we could all sleep at Tough Guy's house for a sleepover, to which I responded "not happening." And when they kept pestering me about my reasons, I finally said "And where would I sleep??"

Rie: With Tough Guy.
Me: OH REALLY?! And you don't think that would be weird or inappropriate at all?
Rie: [very, very loudly] You used to let Brian sleep over.

Thanks, son. Totally not necessary. And totally not the same thing. Call me a prude, but taking my kids to a boyfriends' house, even if he has 2 boys who are now best friends with mine, and staying the night still seems a bit hoe-ish. Maybe in time, but not yet. Seriously.

[And yes, I did let Brian sleep over. HERE. At MY house. And it was NOT within the first month with the boys home. It was way after they all got to know each other.]

I watched Itchy and Reese's Pieces today for a few hours and took them out to lunch. Because Bex had given me some money, I told the kids it was their choice. They picked Texas Roadhouse and me and the four yahoos [yes, I'm crazy] all had steaks for lunch. Motherfucking Yum, I say.

Then TG brought the boys out here, we hung out with my sister and Jeff for a while and TG's kids had a good time playing with Itchy and Reese's Pieces. I will say, however, that TG having 100% custody of his boys really puts a crimp in the sex life. Mine are gone 40% of the time so it's easy for me to find time. But hey, whatever. Things are going good, I'm not complaining.

The highlight of my morning was when I woke up this morning (late, Bex had to wake me up to watch her kids because 10 am came fucking FAST this morning) Riley informed me, in no uncertain terms, that "Ron can be your boyfriend, Mom."

That is freakin' huge because they are my number 1 priority and I know that part of the reason that TM and I had so many issues was because 1. he didn't get the whole parenting thing and 2. while the boys didn't mind him, I don't think they *liked* him all that much. Of course, its been a year now that the divorce was filed so they may be getting more used to the idea of me having a boyfriend.

So, that was my weekend. How was yours, Tink? (wink wink, write something jackass, LOL)

So Much Fun (Lulu)

For a while now my schedule has sucked quite frankly. I have really missed having all the girlz kids around. I was always the one that had the type of schedule that I could jump whenever any of them needed me. but with the way things have been with Mike, work, baseball etc. it seems like all I have been able to say is "no" lately. But this weekend is my weekend with the kids now that we split parenting time and I could say "yes" and it feels so great!

Zaad needed me to babysit while she worked today so the boys just spent the night cuz it makes it easier. Then Reese wanted to spend the night....actually the coversation went like this:

R: (Head down...foot playing with rocks...the sad little voice starts) Since all the kids are spending the night at houses can Lea spend the night?

M: No sweetie cuz Emerson and Riley are spending the night at my house and since Cody isn't there Lea needs to be. Would you like to spend the night at my house?

R: Yeah

M: Ok go "ask" your mom and dad

R: Dad I am spending the night at Aunt Lulu's and you have to pick me up in the morning.

J: What time do I have to pick you up?

R: ummmm 1 o'clock

So Reese joined my clan at the house. We stopped for ice cream on the way home, the kids mentioned popcorn and a movie so I stopped at the store and got popcorn, they played rock band and Play-dough, and we ALL laughed and had a blast!

Needless to say we never did watch a movie but Reese and Lea did eat popcorn (the other 2 just couldnt party any longer and had already fallen asleep). I made a big bed in the livingroom and we all crashed there.

It was so nice to let the kids tear thru the house and make a complete mess without worrying about anyone getting upset that the house wasnt clean or that the kids were making too much noise.

This is what I want my house to be like when all is said and done and I finally get my own place!

Home Run Hit (Lulu)

My son has waited forever to finally hit a home run! Too bad the one that he hit tonight that had enough force to probably make it over the outfield fence went foul.

So foul in fact that it went over the fence inbetween home and first plate. It then went straight for the windshield of a truck....and broke it!! Then it bounced from there and hit another car!

He was so worried that he would have to pay for it. I give the kid credit though cuz after the game he immediately ran up to the truck owners (who btw were parents of a kid on the OPPOSING team) to apologize. Thank goodness they just laughed it off and said that that is what insurance is for LOL!

Divorces Suck Big Donkey Dick (Zaad)

So everyone knows whats goin' on with Lulu and her soon-to-be ex-hubby. Well, Mr. Ex stopped by my branch today and literally seemed to want to be-friend with me. As if.

He literally waved his ring-less hand at me, smiling, and had this weird fake-charm thing going. It reminded me of dh. What is it with men? I was certain that he was there so I would text Lulu immediately after and gossip about him and her. She hadn't told me yet that they had taken their rings off and that everything was going through for good-good (but we all kinda knew). I felt like he had come in *first* to show me almost in an effort to get back at Lu for telling his mom about the divorce.

But I didn't.

He reads her texts, so I was not giving him the satisfaction. Sorry, dude, she is one of my best friends. No one is fooled by your fake niceness. Obviously, I'm on her side. Duh. As if.

But I feel bad for them. I know that this is just the beginning of the mind games and the roller coaster ride, especially for Lulu. I remember, too well, those nights of the whole Dr. Jekyll/Mr.Hyde thing coming out when two people who are getting divorced are still expected to co-habitate for the time being.

It's way worse than food poisoning. I mean, it really sucks THAT BAD.

But she has us. Her kids. Her parents.

They will all get through this in one piece, just a shit ton of suffering between then and now. For that, I'm sorry.

Just sayin'.

Sharing the News (Lulu)

Today was the day I have been dreading ever since I decided I wanted a divorce.....Telling my mother-in-law

I am very lucky that I have had a wonderful mil. I don't have any of those horrible inlaw stories to tell because quite frankly...I was friends with her before Mike and I even started dating. She has always treated me like I was her daughter and I love her like a true mom.

Today I had to tell her that I have decided to divorce her son because he hasn't told her yet and it has to be done. In some ways I am glad that I had to be the one because at least then I know that she will be told without it being a bashing. I have remained respectful to Mike...I have not bashed him to her or told her the things he has done...even tho he has bashed me to both my parents and his mother.

My biggest fear was that she would be angry with me...or worse yet...not want me to be a part of her life anymore. Deep down I knew she wasn't that type of person but when someone is very important to you and you know that what you have to say will be hurtful...you can't help but have that fear.

Well we talked for a long time and we cried. In the end we assured each other that no matter what we will always remain family. She will ALWAYS be mom to me and that we are both going to remain close. PHEWWWWW that was such a relief. She promised that she is not here to judge or take sides and that she knows her son is not perfect....no one is. I just keep thanking God that I have been so blessed to have her as my mil for 11 years.

Don't Worry Bex (Zaad)

About breaking my mood, anyways.

Because as you Girlz know, Tough Guy sent me this today while I was at the beach:

Yeah...I am still smiling.

(His God-Daughter was born this morning.)

Stepchildren.... (Bex)

Ok, first let me say, I am sorry Sarah that this seems to coincide with your good news!

I am so sick the double standards that are allowed in life. The one I am referring to at this moment is Respect.

My husband has this thing that he is not to be disrespected. And if anyone disrespects him, me, as his wife, should always have his back, no matter what...

Ok. whatever. so, weeks ago, his daughter, my step-daughter and I got into it on the phone. Rather, I tried to tell her that I didn't like where the conversation was going and didn't appreciate being talked to that way... And in her ever frustrating ways, she turned the conversation into a fight. I was very calm, and tried several times to explain that this was not about her getting the information she needed, this was about the way she was disrespecting me... She eventually told me, more like yelled to me, to "Fuck off" several times, and said some other nasty things... and eventually said, something along the lines, that we did not need to have any type of relationship.... that there was nothing.

So, I immediately sent my husband a text that said, "from now on you will deal with your daughter. she told me to fuck off and i will not deal with this any longer."

He said, "ok, i will take of it."

Now, remember that was weeks ago. That night he never asked what happened, or what was said. Never asked me a thing about the conversation. It just disappeared.

Yesterday, he says to the boys, "Sissy wants to take you guys out this week, she said she would let me know what day."

so, I say to him, "have you two ever talked about that conversation."
He says, "what conversation?"
I remind him... he says no.

so, Now I start fuming... Oh, it's ok to disrespect me, but not him. If this had been him disrespected by my child or one of my family members, you better damn well know that it would be addressed immediately or 'i don't have his back'.

well, this morning, i told him how i felt. And he actually said "what difference is it going to make? is it going to fix anything? we already don't talk that much, i would like to salvage what relationship i have with her."

fuck you both. is all i can say to that. yes, we had a little discussion, he tried to say, yes, you are right, you are my wife and it's not ok.

But you know what, those were all words just for me to feel better. because what he really meant he already said. he would rather me remain the punching bag and salvage what precious relationship he can with her. whatever.

all be damned if my boys are going anywhere with her until she apologizes to me first though.

The R-Rated Details (Zaad)

Psshhaaawww. As if.

You are all sickos for getting all excited.

I'm saving my R-rated details for Girlz night.

Obvously.

It's Monday.... (Bex)

It's now the day after the first date...

And no real details....

Ummmm.... we are waiting....