So Much Fun!!!

This weekend I got to go help with the halloween weekend at the campground that my immediate family works at.......WITH MY KIDS!!!!!!!! (including my adopted-like kid J.C.)

Having my kids there just made it perfect. The boys dressed up as werewolves and scared all the people on the hayride while my little gray hair had the perfect part for her!

They had this cabin decorated like a butcher house. Her role, unsuspecting to the other riders, was to ride the hayride and when it pulled up in front of the cabin my nephew, dressed as the butcher of course, would jump on the wagon and snatch her up! She would scream bloody murder as he carried her to the cabin and then "chopped" her up. Fake blood squirting everywhere.

At one point she actually had tears running down her face. When one of the fellow workers asked her if she was ok she proceeded to say....

".....ummmmm its called ACTING ya know!!!!" (hands on hips of course)

It was the one time in her life that she could scream like that and no one would yell at her!

We all had so much fun and we cannot wait until we get to do it again. Of course I get to go again next weekend but it just wont be the same without the kids...its their dads weekend with them (sniff sniff)

On Strike (Zaad)

I realize that you are all very stressed out, but seriously I was thinking of changing the blog title from The Girlz Club to The Lu and Zaad Show.

What do you think, Lulu?

(And yes, I'm teasing. sort of. I miss you guys.)

Emotions Vs. Logic (Lulu)

First and foremost....Sorry to write on top of ya Zaad....but you are the one that has shown me writing on this thing does actually help...and I needed to write (course I debated for about 15min first)

There are two sides to every situation

The emotional side.....and the Logical Side

Now I know the logical side is right....and I am following that logical side as best as I can through all of this

But that does not mean the emotional side no longer exists. You can try and forget it...you can ignore it for awhile...You can even push it to the farthest black corner of your heart for awhile but.....

The damn thing fights its way to the surface eventually and then it wins....only momentarily....but it still wins out. Then all those stupid tears that you have swallowed force their way back out and there is nothing you can do about it.

Today was that day. Every little thing seemed to set me off. I wanted to talk about it...but at the same time I did not. Even if I had chosen to talk to someone...I couldn't for the life of me decide who I wanted to talk to. There were bits and pieces that each one of my wonderful friends would understand...but then there were pieces that each one would also want to give advice on and I just wasnt in the mood for advice. I know that I have to follow the logical side...and I will...so I really didnt need advice. So in the end I just dealt. Spent a lot of quiet time in my room...and now I am writing. I am missing my kids something fierce as well so that doesnt help. I dont know how I am gonna survive every other week without them. I know I will cuz I have no choice...but still.

I also know that tomorrow is another day. I spent the day acknowledging my emotions so hopefully tomorrow will be better. Besides....My kids come home tomorrow!!! That always puts a smile on my face!!!!

Speaking of Blessed (Zaad)

Dude. I have the best fucking friends. Today, TG and I got into our first major blowout. To be brief but precise, I was right, he was not, I ended up storming out.

He was supposed to drive me to my mom's to get the minivan but he got called into work. After not hearing from him for 2 hours, I ended up calling Lulu to see if she could come get me and get me to my parents. Which, of course, she did. Without question and without hesitation. Dude, I love you Lu.

Unfornately, TG showed up just before she did and we ended up arguing for a few minutes before I stormed into her truck. As I got in, I started crying ['cuz I do that, I'm a cryer, but so is Lu, so it's ok] and declared:

"I can't talk yet. I'm too upset."
"That's ok. I had a shit weekend, too, and don't feel much like talking."
.
.
.
"But damn, you looked really skinny storming out of there. Those jeans make you look hot."

And THAT, my friends, is why I love her so damn much.

Thank you, Lulu. I really do have the best friends. And if we had a $1 for every time one of us had to go *rescue* another one of us, we'd have ... well, about a hundred bucks or so, but still...

And yes, TG and I had an extremely long talk when he came over this afternoon to work things out and we are just fine. Relationships, well, they just aren't easy, are they? I guess what it comes down to is this: Is this worth it?

Right now, I feel YES, it absolutely is.

My New Dwelling (Lulu)

I am so greatful for Bex and the Pot-Stirrer.

I had so many reservations about moving in with them. Not that it would be horrible or anything....just didn't want to cause any strain on them. I knew the friendship I have with Bex is strong enough to handle it but I still just wasnt sure how this would work. Anytime you add one more adult and 2 kids to anything its bound to be trouble. Then add in the factor that its a stressful time for everyone and....well...you get the idea.

Let me tell you just how wrong I was to worry!

Don't get me wrong...I cannot wait to get my own place....but not because living here is bad...its just because I want my own place.

Our families have really blended so well. My big gray hair and itchy have a tendancy to pair off, as well as my little gray hair and the Reesie-Pooh. I actually think my kids fight less now than they ever have! I think we have all kind of just gotten into some routines. We have family time where its all 7 of us....and we also have family time when its just our own individual families. They have really made us feel like this is our home too. I no longer spend every minute worrying that I am a burdon, or the kids for that matter.

Reese melted my heart the other day when I picked him up from preschool with the following conversation:

R: Look what I made at school today Aunt Lulu

M: Oh my goodness Reese! Is that your house you made? You did such a beautiful job!!!

R: Aunt Lulu its your house too!!! And Cody's and Lea's Too!!! (Then preceeded to show me all the windows and who they belong too)

M: (fighting back the tears) You are absolutely right Reese

We have had to make some adjustments (like me learning NOT to talk for the first part of the morning LOL) and my kids now think they should have chocolate milk every night before bed....but its all good!

I know it is because I see it in my kids smiles every day...I feel it in the hugs all four kids give me...I hear it in the advice and support I get from Bex and The Pot Stirrer.

I am very blessed. Thanks guys!

The What Ifs....(Lulu)

I am having a moment....I do not know how to handle it....Maybe writing will help, I just do not know....What If?

I had such an amazing weekend. I spent a lot of time just watching my gray hairs play. I watched them smile....I watched them have fun....Most importantly, I watched them be kids. I even got to forget about tomorrow for just a little while. We had my little gray hairs' birthday party today and she had sooooo much fun. Now the kids are in bed....and I am awake and thinking.....

What if.....?

Tomorrow is the big day. My soon-to-be-ex filed for full custody of our little gray hair and we go to court in the morning. My logical side knows that he will not win. I know I am a good mother. I see it every day in the two beautiful children that I have.

But what if......?

They smile more now than they have in years....And they hardly fight like they used to....

But what if.....?

They both say they love their father very much but that they still think I made the right choice!

But what if.....?

My children are my world....PLAIN AND SIMPLE! I live, breath, and exist every day because of them.....

But what if.....?

I have so many reasons as to why he will not win....I even have arguments to prove his reasoning for custody is wrong....and I continuously keep going through them in my head, but no matter what there is that lead weight on my heart that just wont throw away those stupid little what ifs?! I just want tomorrow to be over with so that weight will be gone and I will be able to breath normal again. It is not that I want to take the kids away from their dad....I just dont want them taken away from me.....Is that too much to ask?

Football Game Update (Lulu)

Well for those of you excited about going to my b-g-h football game... I have an update. He decided the other day that he really doesn't like football and that he has chosen to quit!

Oh he likes to throw the ball and play in the yard but he said being on the team just isn't for him. Of course I asked "why all of the sudden? What happened?" To which he put his head down and replied...

"It's not all of the sudden...I knew after the first week but everyone was sooooo excited that I didn't want to let ya down. but I just know its not me....I AM A BASEBALL PLAYER!" (yes he actually stated it loudly...very loudly...as he beat his chest with each of those 5 words).

The mom in me was actually relieved cuz now I know my baby wont get tackled and killed by all those big guys....but I am bummed not to see him on the field. I think we will still go to the home games just cuz it was soooo much fun. I know he would like to go as well. So if anyone still wants to go to the home game on the 17th we will be there...he just wont be on the field.

I'm Waiting Too (Zaad)

This was just gonna be a comment, but I changed my mind. I'm female so I have that right. Some things about being a girl rock. I didn't create the stereotype but I will take advantage of it.

Lulu: great post. Unfortunately, I have no answers. Opinions, on the other hand, I always have a shit ton of them. I think a mediator would be best. A counselor is the best idea there is and if you have to tell them they can't visit each other unless they go, so be it. It's for the best. YOU can't act objectively, I mean one is your soon-to-be-ex for a reason, and the other is your son. Being un-biased is impossible.

I had a blast on Sunday, too. Real family goodness.

Bex: I can't wait to hear about your job either. A post would be good. I mean, it's just my opinion and all. And yes, I think I'm funny.

Just sayin'.

And what's up with girl night? Not this week 'cuz Bex is stressed about going back to work full time? I'm just checkin'....

The Holiday (Lulu)

It was definately a crazy weekend. I thought I was going to have some time to spend with my parents but of course that didn't work out quite as planned. I didn't get there till after 7pm and by 10am the next morning my phone had already started to ring and I had to leave to pick up my big gray hair.

My gray hairs were supposed to be at their dads for the weekend, but of course, Mike and Cody couldn't survive a weekend without fighting. Cody started calling first thing Saturday morning saying he wanted to be picked up. It is so hard being in the middle of their disagreements. On one hand I know that Cody can dramatize things...after all he is a teenager. But on the other hand I also know the history between the two. Mike hasn't always treated Cody right. Quite often it is soooooo apparent that Lea is his biological child and Cody is not. The favoratism is quite awful...but he is the only dad Cody has ever known. I also know that Mike doesnt always speak the truth. He will say one thing then do the exact opposite. It's one of the many reasons for the divorce. So how do I know what to do or who is telling the truth. Do I pick him up or do I make him stay. I see Mikes point that if I pick him up, all I am showing him is that if he doesn't get his way he can just call, and mommy dearest will come running. And up until this weekend I have always made him stay. But they arent getting anywhere...I have argued with Mike for years about the favoratism....and I decided making him stay wasn't helping either. I did suggest that the two of them need a counselor. Someone other than me to be the mediator. I hope they do it.

Sunday was a blast!!!! Sarah showed up with TG and his boys....kind of one of those last minute things....and we had a fire and had a contest to see who could stuff the most marshmallows in their mouths at one time without puking...and ya still had to be able to say "Chubby Bunny"! Any guesses as to who won....ZAAD of course. Although I have always been the one teased about having the biggest mouth...oh wait I guess just cuz I never shut up doesnt actually mean I have a big mouth LOL. It was a great evening.

Monday was rough. It was one of those days when you can't help but look at where you are in life and wonder.....what the hell happened? This isn't where I wanted to be and I hate all the nastyness. I am not that person and I don't like that I am being forced to keep my guard up. What other lies is he gonna tell this time? Who else am I gonna discover has chosen sides? Why does there have to be sides anyways? Aren't the kids supposed to come first? Bex and her family was gone to Bumpa and Gma's for a BBQ so the kids and I snuggled on the couch and watched a movie. It was so nice to have a little quiet time with them.

Now the kids are back to school and they both said they had a great first day. Now I just gotta wait for Bex to get home so I can hear about her first day of work. I know it will be great cuz I have all the confidence in the world in her!

Something About A Football Game (Lulu)

Last night was so absolutely exciting!!! Ok so my big gray hair never actually got to play but still.....

There is just something about being in a stadium....The Lights....The Crowd....The Cheerleaders...and a bunch of guys running around on a field!! And the fact that my kid is part of that team.

Bex and I just kept talking about our high school days. Wow it really takes ya back!

In the end, we won the game 34-7!! I soooo can't wait till the next one. He does have a home game on Friday, September 17th and I hope to see the whole family there cuz ya all are invited. That includes the extended family....That means the girlz, ShaMom, ShaDad, Bumpa & Gma! And hopefully by then they will actually put my kid in. I know he is the new guy and all but the kid is a natural. One of the parents of the kids on his team even said that they must see potential in him cuz' they assigned him to skilled positions. (Course he could've just been saying that to be nice since I really don't know jack shit about football!!!! Bex is teaching me but i still have a long way to go!)

One of the Weirder Nights Of My Life (Zaad)

So.

I met dh's new girlfriend tonight. It was kind of like an out of body experience...TG and I on the porch, socializing with dh and B. And yes, he calls her B. For Bridget. Whatever.

And you know what? I actually liked her. You know, thus far. But my gut tells me she's ok and that is nothing to be ignored. We all openly acknowledged the awkwardness of the situation right from the start, but that did nothing to ease the actual awkwardness.

I was my typical self, asking a million and one questions, trying to soak up as much knowledge about a person in as short a time as possible, but honestly, I think that was a good thing. It went very well, and I feel 100% better. Now that I think about it, I could actually see myself liking HER more than him. [He'll probably fuck it up anyways, so it's not like I'm gonna get attached, but you know, if they do work out....]

And you wanna hear what made me decide to like her? Of course you do or you would have stopped reading already. Duh. I had said that dh and I get along very well, with the exception of the times that dh decides to NOT tell me things. That is literally the only time we argue. And she says this:

"Yeah. I was the one who said he should tell you I would be there this weekend. In case the boys said something and all..."

What? Really? I looked right at dh and said:

"You are an asshole. I cannot believe you." What I wanted to do was then turn to HER and say "good luck with this." But I am working on an award for *restraint.* And I'm doing really well.

So that was that.

Oh, and then TG and I went into the garage for sneaky garage sex. It was full of *the awesome.*

Just sayin'.

Oh the Nerves.... (Bex)

Ok so Lu and I are sitting here waiting to go to Lu's Big Grays FIRST High School Football game. This year as a Junior he decided he was going to play football, he is on the Varisty team.... his position is Wide Receiver and Cornerback...

And as you all know how Moms are... We are nervous for him!!

AND...

I start a new job on Tuesday....

The kids start school on Tuesday...

UGH!!!!!