I Want it All (Lulu)

The job is absolutely great! I love what I am doing and all that I am learning. I even found out that they are going to hire me from the temp agency which is completely awesome! But...

...yes there is always a but...I miss my kids!!!!

The drive is long, the hours are long, and I am still trying to get used to this whole thing called being alone. And I am not getting used to it as fast as I had thought I would.

It feels like I just get home and then its bed time for them. Then the last couple weekends they have gone and stayed with my parents. It was sooooo hard to let them go but I know it is what the kids would really like so I let them. Not to mention the fact that they only get to see my parents during the summer so how could I say no?!?! And then before I know it, it's time for them to go back to their dads (sigh....tears)

I just want to wrap them up close to me and not let them go anywhere or do anything! Yeah, I know, life doesn't work that way. They would just squirm away, roll their eyes, and give me that whole "MOOOMMM" thing.

Oh well, I know I can't have it all....but I want it!!!!!

This took some thought (Lulu)

Wow there were so many things I could think of for both questions....but if I gotta choose one for each....

What I miss the most about being a kid is the freedom from all of lifes worries. All I had to concentrate on was school work and not getting in trouble (notice I didn't say not doing anything wrong...just not getting caught and getting in trouble!). I didn't have to worry about lives other than my own. I feel like I spend so much of my time worrying about my kids and how my choices will affect them. I worry about their futures and what life is going to be like for them.

My favorite part about being an adult is being able to watch my kids grow and have fun with them. I enjoy sharing my favorite childhood rituals with them. Being able to carry on some of the family traditions that were always very special to me growing up. Seeing them smile and laugh makes all of life's trials and tribulations worth it. I can get lost in their laughter sometimes and I forget about any worries for a little while.

I Shoulda Said "No Tag-Backs" (Zaad)

but I will keep the ball rolling.

These were Bex's questions:

1. What do you miss most about being a kid? And
2. What is your favorite part about being an adult?

My answers:

1. Not much, really. I remember a whole lotta thinking "when I'm an adult...this or that..." so I don't know that I want to be a kid again. I remember feeling a lot of pressure to be perfect, all the time. When I got sober, a lot of that pressure dissipated when I realized *perfection* was impossible, all I really had to do was survive and pray to thrive.

I mean, we had a wonderful childhood. I can't complain. I guess I miss the whole *no responsibilities* thing, but then I just think "but I now I get to make all the decisions..." When I think of growing up, the thing that stands out the most, as an overall impression, is how much everyone would say "she has so much potential!" And this feeling of *potential greatness with no real direction* overcomes me.

2. So what I like best about being an adult is obviously: the freedom. The absence of *potential* and the presence of *living*. I no longer dream about what I need or want to be when I grow up (except for when I dream about being a stripper), instead I dream of what I want to do right now, or next week, or next year.

And I get to DO these things.

Also, I like to be a mom. I like to watch my kids growing up - but it does bring back some of that pressure. Only now, it's in the form of *worry*. I can blow off worrying about my back, my work, and other things in life, but as a mom, I'll never escape worrying about my kids. But this feels like a tangent...so...

Next, I tag TINK! Same questions, obviously.

And no tag-backs.

Just sayin'.

The Daunting Task.... (Bex)

Ok, really peeps?! Me again, already?

Ok, here goes... It's a 2 parter! And it may be cheesy, but you asked for it!

1. What do you miss most about being a kid? And
2. What is your favorite part about being an adult?

ME... I miss the amount of time we had just to have fun and be carefree. And I do mean "innocent" fun. Playing softball...I was the pitcher on the township league and not a bad player. The thrill of standing on the pitcher's mound or when up to bat was almost scary as a kid, but now I look back and think that was so much fun. To run around the yard like fools, playing "What time is it Mr. Fox?" or "Red rover, red rover". If we played those games as adults, we might end up in straight jackets! And time seemed to last forever. An hour felt like a day, and a day felt like a week...

Now, don't get me wrong... I still have fun. I still try to make time and run around with the boys and act like a fool. But as a kid that fun is so carefree and natural. As an adult, sometimes that "fun" is forced for the kids sake, or they don't want to play with mom anymore. Would I trade it and go back? Probably not... certainly not if it meant going through the late teenage and early adult years.

2. My favorite part about being an adult is the ability to make my own choices and succeed at them, if I so wish. The feeling of making a choice (like nursing school or law school) and getting to the end and succeeding is a great feeling. Or choosing where I want to buy a house, or what car I want to drive, or what color I want to paint, do I want to go shopping or pay the bills?! Every one of those decisions are mine... (ok, ok some of them may be mine and the *pot-stirrers*, or even just the *pot-stirrers*!!)
I can look around my house and look at my kids and say "I did this!" and "I'm not that bad at it, either!"

As a kid, you do not have the capability to appreciate long term visions of decision making, foresight. That getting good grades, being involved in extracurricular activities (sports, community service... I was NOT talking about sex and drugs!! you dirty minds) and cherishing friendships will make you a well-rounded individual and better person overall... and god-willing clean and sober!!!

Ok, Ok.... enough cliches and thoughts....

TAG YOUR IT>>>>>> SARAH!

Oh Fuck. So Many Reasons....(Zaad)

Thank God Bex posted, finally!! I was dying from the urge to butt in and post anyways, but I didn't, because I refused! I guess it's part of that *demanding* Bex was talking about! And boy, did she have a point.





We are very demanding. The most demanding, by far, simply because of scheduling is Bex. With kids, work, LAW SCHOOL, and a husband, she BY FAR has the most demanding schedule. The other end is Tink who is the most flexible. And Lu and I fall somewhere in between. And, yes, *calender time* is, without fail, (deeeeeep breath!) a loud, fast-paced, try-to-keep-up EVENT that takes practice to survive. Imagine 4 women saying, or rather, saying louder than the others, what things they have to work arowhat days work best for her. *So much fun*. As in: not my favorite part of the night - but I would die without it. It actually manages to keep my whole life scheduled, which I need.





I guess, though, aside from the overall intimidation factor, Bex hit the nail on the head with the whole commitment thing. And let me defend ourselves by saying this: the reason we demand nearly perfect attendance is because we all know how life works: It's just like working out - once you make an excuse to skip once, and you know you can get away with it, you will continue to push the workout aside and keep skipping. Making time for yourself is so important, yet so easy to postpone. So we just simply don't allow it. Get your ass to Girlz Night - even if you just sit there and mope - or else.





And no one has the nerve or the desire to find out what the *or else* is, but I imagine it looks somewhat akin to 3 women pounding on your door, screaming "WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! NOW OPEN UP THE DAMN DOOR AND LET US IN!" I don't know, but probably.





Because Bex is right - we have invited Janel back - with the condition that she be able to come every week and she hasn't decided to take us up on that. I think the literal distance is also a big factor in this. We all live just miles from each other, and we couldn't imagine it any other way. Even Lulu would have stayed in Bex's basement if she couldn't find anywhere within 5 miles to live. That is what makes our schedules work - everything is in or around Tiny Town.





We have held Girlz night at one child or another's sporting event [indeed, we actually MET Tink at one] if we couldn't find a free night together. "Well, it looks like next week's is at [insert boy child here]'s baseball practice because there is no other option" has been said on many occasions. And if we didn't all live so close, why would someone drive 20-30 minutes to do that? When Girlz Night is right down the street, it's hard to find an excuse not to go.





Janel is the perfect example - she is fun, she likes us, we see her at lots of family events [she's my and Bex's cousin] and she really clicks with us. But she lives a good half hour away. Plus, she's not a mom. Which is the my last point. [Even if I took a whole damn post to get to it, I did have a point.]





We all have kids - and more precisely - we all have at least one 4th-5th grader. Every single one of us - Lea, Itchy, Mo and Jules. Yes, we have others older and younger, and the age span ranges from 3-17, but we are all going through the SAME parenting challenges. How many times have we said "I wanna kill my kid"? [Tink doesn't count, her count would be off the charts anyways, so in true girlz fashion, when you're winning by too much, you're just evicted from the game. True story.] And no one bats an eyelash because we all GET IT. We all get that we don't really wanna kill our kid, but we kinda do wanna. Know what I mean? NO? Well, that's why you're not part of the Girlz Club.





See? I proved an additional point: we are all bat shit crazy and we like it.





And with that, I tag-back BEX to think up a new question. *evil chuckles* We know you can squeeze it in - and really, thinking of a question and tagging someone is actually easier than putting thought into a whole post-answer.





So, you're welcome. *more evil chuckling...bwahahahhahahaha* and *exaggerated wink!*

Because I was tagged......!!!!!! (Bex)

I know, I know, I know.... I haven't posted in awhile...

The only excuse I have is... Who has time? Man, working full time and going to school, and being a mom is keeping so busy....

Ok, why do newcombers never come back? Honestly, I don't know...
I think the main answer is lack of commitment.
We have a rule... you have to show up when told to. There is no excuse that I am too tired, or too crabby, or don't feel like it tonight. The few times we have allowed one of us to not be there, have seriously been extreme moments. In fact we reschedule rather than have one of us not there. And speaking of scheduling. We are fanatics with the calendars and scheduling around everyone's crazy lifestyles. Can you honestly think we could try to work around one more schedule...

I say this because there have been a few that have made it through the "awesomeness" and truly enjoyed themselves and said they wanted to come back... But they lack that NEED to be with each other, that crazy obsession we have with hanging out with each other. If that need/want is not there... it will never work. We are as demanding to each other as we are grateful for each other. And I don't say that in a demeaning sense. We ALL NEED each other, and each one for different reasons, or in different ways. But nonetheless, not one of us would live without the other three.

Would someone new feel that? And be willing to commit to that? It's alot... Sometimes TOO much for the significant others!!!!!!

Love you girls.... But yes, I am probably the most leery, most cynical of letting anyone else in....

Good luck to anyone who tries!!!

Guess that means TAG your it, Zaad!