Thanks (Lulu)

I do not know what else to say....but Thank You!!

For the past 10 years or so...my thanksgiving dinner was usually had at a resaurant. The reason for this is simple...My ex really did not have a lot of family. It was him, his mom, and an Uncle (with his wife and 2 kids that we only saw at Christmas). So to him it made sense to go out and eat. Why cook a huge turkey for so few people. I accepted this, not right away, but I did. It was a battle I chose not to fight. My parents are snowbirds so they are not here this time of year, and my ex really never wanted to travel out to my brothers.

This year....well this year I got back to having my family style dinner. Ok so it wasnt with my parents, or my brother, but with a family that is just as great! Bex and Zaads parents invited the kids and I to join them and it was WONDERFUL!!! Yes it was crazy, yes it was loud, but it was perfect! Just the way it always was for me growing up. I actually felt as though I was home for the holidays. I know Bex is probably sick of hearing my say it but.....

THANK YOU!!!!!

...and Bumpa...you can get anything you want...at Alice's Restaurant!!! LOVE IT!!

Chrismas Already! (Lulu)

When I first filed for divorce I dreaded Christmas the most. It was never an easy holiday to begin with, seeing as my brother past away right before Christmas when I was only Lea's age. Then I had kids and I learned to love it again. One of the reasons I actually held off filing for these past couple years was simply because I never wanted to spend a Christmas without my children. This year is was decided that Mike would get the kids for the holiday. I figured that since next year I will be in my own place, then we could have the first Christmas in our new house together. So needless to say I didn't even want to think about it this year.

Then Bex changed that for me. Since Itchy goes to his dads this year, we will just celebrate a day earlier!!! It will be just like Christmas day...just the day before!!! So this weekend we actually decorated!! The tree is up, the stockings are all hung by the chimney with care, and the lights are even up outside!!! I am actually excited about it! I know Thanksgiving isn't even here yet but we had to work it out so that all the kids would be home to decorate. We even had Zaad's yahoo's to help decorate (since that lucky little brat is in VEGAS at the moment!)

And my big gray hair is the best kid in the world (despite the fact that he got kicked out of school for fighting) He looked at me the other day and actually said "Mom, I am not expecting you to get me anything this year. I know money is tight. It is more important to make sure Lea gets stuff so please take any money you were gonna spend on me and just spend it on her ok" Like that is ever gonna happen! One way or another I am going to make sure that BOTH kids are taken care of! They have been thru so much this last year and have probably handled it much better than I have! They deserve to have a nice Christmas!

I am NOT THAT OLD, am I? (Bex)

Nothing makes you feel like you are aging like your doctor saying to you: "You need to have a mammogram done."

Yes, I have a family hx, an aunt with breast cancer... but I'm only 35.

OMG, I am 35. When did that happen? How did I get here? And, WTF am I doing?


Anyway, so I went and had the mammogram today. Not because there are any problems, just because of my age and family hx, he wanted it done as preventative, or whatever. So, you stand there naked from the waist up and some stranger manipulates your boob into this xray machine and then closes the "thingie" and OMG... it actually hurt a little. But man, this lady had no problem just pulling and tugging and placing every piece of my skin (because that's all that's left to the girls) into her machine... It was a little weird. And I'm no prude, and no stranger to the manipulations of healthcare workers.

I do hope everything comes back fine, not that i'm worried... just sayin'...

Birthday Bowling Fun (Zaad)

So today the Girlz Club made me proud again. We all went to the bowling alley for little Megs 7th birthday party. Tink had invited Megan's class for a Sunday bowling birthday party.

I'd be lying if I didn't cop to trying my hardest to think of a valid excuse to get out of this little Hellish sounding function, but in the end I knew, as we all always do, that no matter what, the 4 of us are always here for each other no matter what. Hellish sounding birthday parties included.

And you know what? It wasn't that bad. I mean, yes there were 20 7 year olds running amok and trying to bowl, but it honestly went by so fast, it truly was almost fun. It makes me proud how we all band together to help each other out. We all pitch in and do what needs to be done. We get pizza passed out, cake and ice cream passed out, presents unwrapped and organized and we all bitch and commiserate together.

It's awesome.

It always surprises me when I hear one of them say "Thank you so much, I could not have done this without you guys" (even though I say these very same things when I need them) because when I hear this, I always, without fail, think to myself "Um, ANYTIME. DUH. No need to thank me."

And I mean it. As I know they do too.

Big Mouth Bex

Ok, we all know, well that are close to us, that I, Bex, cannot keep my mouth shut sometimes...

Last Friday morning a friend came to visit Lu and I ...
And this friend happens to be our parents age.

Long story short, we invited her to dinner with Lu's parents and when she accepted, I blurted out... "Yeah, we can have an old people party!" (as I am clapping my hands, like a mentally challenged individual!)

Can you imagine my horror at the thought she might take offense to it... She didn't! She took the comment in stride... And it got brought back up to Lu's parents...

I love those "old people" in my life! And I truly hope no one took offense, it was truly meant to just be a funny comment!

And I would welcome an "old people party" any day... Love you guys!

There Sha-Dad... I beat you to it!!

Bex

Getting Kinda Nervous...(Zaad)

This is Dh. I think he's very handsome. I tried for a year to convince myself that he's not but it just didn't stick.


Tonight I have been ordered by ShaDad (lulu's dad) to write because apparently we haven't been entertaining the grand parents very well lately. And who I am to disrespect my elders? I mean, I am a real shithead when it comes to a lot of things, but that's not one of them.


Lulu's parents came over to Bex tonight to visit one last time before they hit the road to Florida once again. They are awesome for a lot of reasons and one of them is that they are gypsies: they literally live in an RV and travel. All. The. Time. It's awesome. Of course, after a few minutes, ShaMom, whom I love dearly, turns to me and says: "So, I hear a new chapter has begun."

And by that, I assumed she meant "Seriously Sarah?! I heard you flipped out and upended your entire life AGAIN?! Are you NUTS?!" But you know, she's way more polite than me. That must be where Lu gets her tact from. I don't think it's from her father (no offense, ShaDad). What she said next was: "I guess the question is: do you still love him?" To which I said "Yes, I really do." And Bex put her two cents in with "She. Has. Never. Stopped."

She's right. I have never stopped loving dh. I never will. Dammitall to Hell, I honestly don't think I will EVER stop. Last night, I was fine, tonight I can feel that I am slightly more nervous about our first therapy session. But I'm still ready. The feelings that I have for dh are strong, stronger than anything I have ever felt in my life. And that goes for all the feelings I have for him: love, admiration, lust, fear, anger, and confusion.

That's kind of how I know I have to do this. There is absolutely no denying how my heart feels. Whether it's right or wrong, for the best or a complete disaster, I still love him with everything that I have. So much so that it hurts sometimes just FEELING. I never thought in a million years, we would actually get a second chance. But we do.

Now we just need to NOT fuck it up.

Seriously.

And just sayin'.