At one moment... I thought I was going to die... (Bex)

Ok, I had such an odd morning...

I was supposed to go to my make-up class this am... But as usual I was running late this morning, so last minute I decided that I was going to do the other errands I had to do in Oakland County. (The mediation training I had done needed some paperwork, before they could schedule my practicum... AND I still needed to do my Ward visit for my guardianship review.)

As part of one of my classes, we do Guardianship reviews. (For those of you who are unfamiliar... Guardian is the person looking after the ward; Ward is the incapacitated individual; the reviews are done yearly by a 'court officer', today that 'court officer' was me!)

So just to preface this correctly... I did not know what type of apartment complex this was that I was walking into... (senior living, mental disability, etc...) I did not know why the ward was incapacitated... (physically, mentally, etc...)

So the ward meets me in the lobby and asked, "so do you want to go to my apartment or sit down here?" And actually I needed to go to the apartment to "observe" his living situation. So as we were walking to his apartment... down several long hallways, and up a set of stairs, he says, "we should take the stairs because they will wonder why I have a woman in my apartment and it will be safer for you." And I looked around, nobody was out in the hallways... So, I blew it off, he seemed quite "normal" and I still couldn't figure out what his "disability" was... Most of the talk has been pretty "normal".

Then we go into the apartment and as I'm sitting down in the chair he has pulled out for me... He is folding and placing a rug next to the door to cover the light/sound from the hallway... "Now, a little voice is saying, Ok little odd, maybe not safe... Nah, he seems harmless..."

Then we start talking and shortly I discover what his disability is... with these statements that he made to me during the conversation:
1. I was abducted many times and raped when I was an infant...
2. I started seeing a psychiatrist, and I know now that my father was not one of the men lined up to rape me when I was an infant, it was someone that just looked like him, a lot like him...
3. One of my sisters is an imposter, I could tell in high school...You know how you can tell when one is working and the other is not...
4. By the way, did you know about my injuries... The cannibals got a piece of my skull, I have (a lot of misc) broken bones in my face, and an X shape fracture in my face...
5. They have abducted and doped me up a lot and made me do things and lined up to rape me and there were people watching from the window...
(Yes at this point, I started to think... Oh my god, this is it, this is were I am going to die... he was harmless, never made any move or anything ... just scary delusions that I didn't want to be a part of!)
6. I was seeing a girl whose ex boyfriend just out of jail for murder and he is trying to kill me and there was a witness that lived across the hallway and they said she moved out, but I don't think so...
7. (My favorite!) They call this psychosis, but I don't think so, those people are too evil and real...

At this point, I kindly made my exit as quickly as I could... It was weird because even though he told me so many details of these obvious delusions, we did have numerous periods of conversation that felt so "normal" (like talking about the date, weather, going grocery shopping, ...).

As I was walking out of the apartment he pointed out his "sound-makers"... These were items that he propped against the door so if anyone tried coming in when he was sleeping, he would wake up (they included a big box, sticks for either side of the door, and a screwdriver for the top of the door)

He was truly a pleasant man to speak with... but for any of you who know me, I don't know how to handle "insanity". It took everything in my body to not laugh, because when I'm that uncomfortable that's how I can handle things... Ok sometimes, and this happened to be one... I wanted to laugh... Is this man for real or is he really fucking with my head?????

I made it out safely... But rest assured, If and when I do another one... I will take someone with me!!!

Hope you all have a safe day/night!

OMG... The end IS near!

Ok, Ok, Ok...

So I was doing my routine check of the numerous emails (ha, ha) that I receive... And this one was in my Inbox today...

Dear Rebecca *******:

We are drawing nearer to the day when your law school career will be complete! The commencement ceremony for the Marion M. Hilligan class will be held on Saturday, January 21, 2012 at 3 p.m. at the MSU Auditorium in East Lansing.

HOLY SHIT. Is this really happening? Is there really an end to this "hell"? Ok, this semester (the last semester) has actually been fun and exciting and new. But I actually have a graduation date? I never really felt that this day would come.

And then what? Ok, so then take the Bar Exam... and then what? Be a lawyer? ME?

Today I actually finished the State Court Administrative Office (SCAO) Mediation Training. (I still have to do the 40 hour practicum) But now I can technically be a Mediator. And tomorrow I have 2 client interviews for my Estate Planning Clinic, where I am a Student Attorney and actually representing these clients. It's really kind of an exciting time right now (as far as school and learning is concerned).

Thank you girls who responded to my email tonight... It meant a lot. I was really excited when I got it and then really disappointed that the person I live with didn't share in my excitement... (for whatever reason, he may be sick, and then he just might not care... who knows nowadays...). So when Tink and Zaad responded in excitement it was kind of cool to share... And sorry Tink about the rampage that ensued about the disappointing spouse! Thanks for being there!

Hope you all have an exciting Saturday morning like I hope to have!

Alone and Angry

I am so frustrated...

Why is it that when I am not working, I get treated like a roommate he doesn't like?

I know he has been under stress at work and we have many different issues/ stressors related to finances... And when he asked me (almost desperately) to take care of a few issues, ones that I really didn't want to handle (like talking to the builder of our house about renewing our land contract) I took on "the projects", to alleviate his stress on the homefront. And yet, the "bad mood" persists.

The "bad mood" started when we got home from the Girlz Camping weekend and continues yet today. It ranges from nasty comments about the music or tv shows I like, to pissing and moaning about football practice (that he doesn't even have to go to) to leaving trash and dirty clothes on the tables and floors to not eating dinner if I cook something he doesn't want to eat to saying snide comments about my friends or turning the tv up so loud on Girl Night that we can't hear each other talk...

And I don't know what to do... I tried confronting him nicely last night with the... "Are we ok?" "I know your are under stress, but it's starting to feel personal" And all I got was "We are fine."

And he sleeps every moment that he is not working. I mean he is either working at work, working at home, or sleeping. My brakes are so bad they are grinding and I feel unsafe in my car, and I have asked 3 times to take care of it... And that started week and a half ago. And yet my brakes are still not done and he was sleeping before I put the kids to bed (on a school night).

I know I need to address this... but I am so angry I don't know where to start.

And so alone.

A Day for ME! (Lulu)

So for the first time in a VERY long time I have had a day just for me.  I am finally learning to embrace this whole being alone thing and I actually enjoy it (ok so I wouldn't want it ALL the time but a day here and there is great).  After the way things have been lately I needed it.

Work has been completely overwhelming and I have been working a shit-ton of hours.  Part of me feels very honored that my boss thinks so highly of me and keeps giving me new things to do but the other part of me feels as though it is just too much. She keeps saying "I want you to start doing this because I am tired of it getting messed up and I want it done right"  The only problem is that all the of the deadlines do not mesh very well and by Wednesday I was almost in tears.  I talked with one of the girls for awhile about it and it definitely made me feel better.  By Friday I had organized myself better and I think I have it under control at least.  I can manage what I have but if my boss asks for more I am just going to have to tell her I cannot take on any more.  Luckily she is the type of boss who understands and would rather you say something.

I decided yesterday that I was leaving work on time and that I was just going to enjoy my weekend.  I do not have my kids so there isn't anything I have to tend to with them.  Topher is gone for the weekend so we wont be going out or doing anything.  And I didn't have to work so this weekend is for me!

A girl I used to work with came over last night and we watched a movie.  It was so great to just sit back, have a drink, and just chit-chat!  I had planned on sleeping in but apparently my body doesn't realize that I didn't have to be up at the butt ass crack of dawn for once, so of course by 7am I couldn't just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling anymore so I started my day.  I got some house cleaning done and played on the computer.  I walked around Meijers with Bex for a bit and even spent some time on the phone chatting with my kids.  I love that they call me even when they are with their dad.  It really helps me get through the week without them.  We have such a good time when we are together and I am enjoying them tremendously.  It's hard to say goodbye at the end of our week.  I don't feel as though I need a break or anything.  Tomorrow they come home and I cant wait!!!!

The Single Life No More (Zaad)

Ok.  I write every day, well almost, so it's really no biggie to start posting over here once in a while. Again.  As long as its a joint effort.  [That sentence fragment was my rant.  JSYK.]

Let's see.

So far, I am having a wonderful weekend.  It is just over half way done and JD and I have spent almost the entire time together.  We spent last night at his house with his son and daughter.  He has a great relationship with his teenage son and I really respect that.  It was refreshing to see.  Today, we went to the batting cages with him [where I watched - even though I wanted to hit really, really badly - but the potential pain in my back won out and I sat it out].  It was more fun than I expected.

This evening we had Sunday dinner at my folks with Lulu and Topher and that was a motherfucking blast.  NO KIDS anywhere.  It was awesome.  And Lulu and I actually got to spend some time together bonding over both being in fun relationships right now.  It was so bad, it bordered on sappy.  But, when it comes to spending time just Lu and I, that's usually how we roll.

Now I'm relaxing and writing.  What more could I want?

[A camper, a closer work location, not having to financially depend on alimony, dh not to move farther away, having a *history* with JD.......]

Yes, Bex, being single definitely has it's good points.  But you already know that the grass isn't always greener - in fact, it rarely is.  Being single is also stressful, difficult, lonely at times, and really fucking overwhelming.

This month marks 2 years in my house.  I can hardly believe it.  I really hate the thought of rushing JD and I into burning out, but not nearly as much as I am ready to be done being single.  Not that I want to get married next month or anything, but to have someone steady, nice, and reliable around?  Yeah, that sounds great.  I have hope right now and right now, I am really fucking happy.  Not just *eh, life is good* happy, but *Hey, life is grand, don't fuck it up, Sarah* happy.

But.  You know - we'll see. *wink*

Just sayin'.

GIRLZ.... Where are you?

Where are my girls....????

There has not been much posting here lately... And I know that I am a hurge culprit of my accusations... BUT we need to get back to writing here!!!

Or we will lose all of our "loyal customers"!!!!

Don't make put out a stupid "If you had to..." or "Tell me about..." I seriously hate those "make you write moments"!!!

Ok... now that i ranted...

I am so awake, and so jealous of my single peeps. We (myself and the pot-stirrer) entertained Bumpa tonight with a couple of card games... Or rather Bumpa entertained me... Pretty sad, when you rely on your father to come over to entertain you. (no offense dad!)

And it's not that I don't want to something with or that I don't want to be entertained by my husband (the pot-stirrer).... He just seems to be content with being home and doing nothing. And when it's just the two of us, or us and the kids... He is sleeping by 10, probably more like 9 most nights...

I want to have FUN. preferably with my husband... But he sleeps so much lately that I am bored with him most evenings.... (ok, maybe not completely bored, Itchy does have football practice that I take him to and sit and watch). But I want to "adult fun" with my husband. I want to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

And the catch to it all is that if I'm texting my Girlz, he gets annoyed because I'm not spending "time with the family"... It's not like we even have these great conversations... It's quiet, small talk, or conversation/yelling at the kids.

When does the FUN in life come back? How do I get my husband to ant to spend with ME. I need attention too, damnitall!!!!

Hope you all are having fun!!!!!!!

Mr. No-Shoes

Ok, so today the boys had a dentist appt and then we were going to visit a friend and run a couple of errands...

Only as we are pulling into the dentist office, my oldest son (10 1/2 yrs old) says, "Mom, I don't have any shoes... Did you grab my shoes?"

Me: "How did you, NO, WHY did you walk out of the house without any shoes? When I specifically yelled, Get your shoes on and get in the car?"

Itchy: "Um, I don't know..."

So we search the car... the car that had just been cleaned out from the camping weekend... And of course, there are no extra set of shoes in the car. So, Pooh, the 5 yr old had a pair of rollar blades in the car. So, I took out the inserts and made Itchy try and put those on. Yes to wear on his feet as shoes to get his cleaning done. And yes, it looked like one of Cinderella's evil step-sisters trying to fit into the glass slipper....
I then walk into the dentist office and sign in and wait to speak with the receptionist, only she was busy. So, the Dentist we see, Dr. F. walks over and says "May I help you?" And I very calmly explain that my wonderfully smart son forgot his shoes and that I can run home and get them but then we would be late.... And after much laughter he says, "I'm ok with him coming in without his shoes, we don't have a No-shoes, No-service policy, if you are ok with it and everyone else is ok with it..." Yes, there were two other ladies in the waiting room. Neither one said anything... Smart for them!!!

So My child get his teeth cleaned today without shoes on....

As we are checking out, the receptionist says, "ya know, you can always go to the dollar store and get a pair of pink flip flops to keep in the car, in case this ever happens again!"

So, yes... I am going to get a pair of pink flip flops and bedazzle the fuck out them so this never happens again...

And yes, I did not let him live it down today... I told everyone we ran into, "oh, and this is my no-shoes son..."

I'm pretty sure he will remember his shoes next time!!!!~