Master Manipulator (Zaad)

First of all, I know it's been a quiet week. Bex has been through some tough shit lately, and I know we have all been...well...pre-occupied with that stuff and haven't written much. And I will leave it up to her to decide what and when she wants to write about it.

But we need to get back to posting! Our fans (all two of them) have been deprived. So I'll start:

Well, I think I figured it out. You girlz know what I've been going through with dh, and how conflicted I've been about this whole divorce/missing him thing. But I am fairly sure I'm over it. Or, at least, how to get over it when those feelings creep back in.

I have been getting fooled. I have been falling for the same trick that used to drive me insane when I was married to dh: I miss the guy that dh ACTS like he is to everyone else. He is such an expert at acting like he is perfect that I nearly had myself convinced that he is/was.

But you know what?? HE'S NOT. He is still selfish, still obsessed with money and still only thinks about himself (and the yahoos...). He is just so damn good at ACTING like he is God's gift to this world that everyone, including me starts to believe he is.

After having dinner with him it finally dawned on me. And it took a comment to really bring me full circle at this realization. When discussing where he may move to, he actually commented that "he may just buy a house with cash, or rent, I don't know..."

BUY A HOUSE WITH CASH? You can do that?! Whatever. I mean: WHAT THE FUCK EVER. This from a guy who is *broke.* Who gives me *a third of his income* so he can't afford to do anything. Who lives RENT FREE in a house he is willingly WALKING AWAY FROM. And you can't get the boys haircuts??? Really? Really????

This frustration is strictly on the down low, though. There is no need for me to bitch about this to him, or fight about money with him. It is what it is.

I am still grateful that we can co-parent. I am still glad that we can get along. But if and when those old doubts and feelings creep back in, I'd really appreciate it if y'all could just say: Hey, Zaad, he's a cheap ass liar, remember?

Thanks, and just sayin'.