There Are No Winners (Lulu)

I asked for this seperation. I said I NEEDED this seperation. I need some time apart to get past the hurt...to get past the anger...and then maybe I can see if there is anything left to save.

How do I do that when he refuses to give me more than 2 days at a time. He informed me that he can't live that way. He said he needed to be at home. So he is here.

I don't want to fight...but I also cannot pretend that we are a perfect happy couple. He brought me a bouquet of flowers...but all I could think of was the fact that he has only done that when he has screwed up and is asking for forgiveness. He wants me to pretend that everything is ok...and I cannot do that. So instead I go about my business. I don't start a conversation...and I only speak back when he talks to me. He wants me to tell him how I am feeling...but I cannot. The kids are here...I cannot talk without crying...so therefor I just keep telling him "not right now...this needs to wait till later when the kids are in bed"

I am struggling to decided what I should or should not be doing. I want him to understand that this is just one more time where my wishes are being ignored. Its one more time when he is deciding what we should be doing. I know that at this moment he cant win...if he is being an ass then I would be pissed because he doesnt need to act that way...but this acting like we are happy isn't working either. I just cannot do it.

I'm lost....I'm confused...and I'm suffocating