Question for Bex (Lulu)

So....the kids and I were talking about their dreams for the future. It made me think about all the dreams I had as a kid. There were a few that I think about now and go....what the hell was I thinking!!!

So my question to Bex is this:

Think back to when you were a kid. What was one of your "dreams" that you had that is sooooo way off base from where you are now?

Career Choice (Lulu)

That one is actually pretty easy for me to answer. You guys know what a complete and utter number geek I am. I would love to be an accountant but not just some small time one. I would love to do the accounting for some huge ass company....maybe Bex's law firm when she gets HUGE and famous! Ok so wow...an accountant...you can all ooooohhhh and aaahhhhhh now over that majorly exciting career choice LOL!

Now for my question.....yeah its gonna have to wait till tonight cuz I have just spent the last 10 minutes staring at my computer screen and haven't come up with one yet!

Get Bloggin' (Zaad)

Ok. It's been too quiet. Let's do the question game. I'll go first.

Lulu: Other than a jeweler, if you could go back to 18, go to college and pick anything at all to study, what career do you think you would choose, knowing what you know now, at 29?

Drama (Zaad)

Don't get me wrong, I'm the same as everyone else: I don't mind a little drama here and there, no biggie, right?

What bugs the living shit out of me is when it happens due to shit that is out of my control, yet I still have a responsibility in cleaning up the mess. And let me tell you this: I am so tired of cleaning up dh's shit, you have no idea.

Ok, he lies, he manipulates, he doesn't care about anyone but himself, he doesn't respect me, and he sure as HELL doesn't give me credit for being a parent to OUR kids (the better one, if you ask me). But seriously?!

STOP FUCKING WITH MY FRIENDS.

So my mom, the G-ma, asks me today at dinner if the kids were going to Tink's all summer for sure, and I was like "Yeah, as far as I know, he said he asked his sister, but he said he'd get back with me and that was over a week ago." ..... And then I started to think: but this is dh. I'd better check, because you know, obviously.

And the conversation went like this [after I didn't get a reply to a txt asking "the boys ARE going to Tinks tomorrow, right?" AND I had to call twice]:

Me: Did you get my text?
Dh: Yes.
Me: ....and?
Dh: My sister said she could take the boys on Mondays, and on Tuesdays they can go to Tink's.
Me: But tomorrow is Monday, right?
Dh: Yup.
Me: So, they aren't going to Tink's tomorrow, they are going to your sisters?
Dh: Yup.
Me: And you weren't going to TELL me?
Dh:
Me: Thanks for letting me know. Call me when your company leaves. [click]

Obviously, Tink is pissed. And I don't blame her. I am pissed, too. More than pissed. She planned on 5 days, now she is getting 4. And to pour salt on it, he doesn't even tell us until the day before. Scratch that, he wasn't planning on telling us at all. If there is a Hell, I'm sure I have a good chance of going there, but dammitall Dh is earning a seat right next to the devil himself.

I have absolutely no energy left except to mutter this:

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

If you need me, I'll be the one rocking herself back and forth, mumbling, in the corner.

There Are No Winners (Lulu)

I asked for this seperation. I said I NEEDED this seperation. I need some time apart to get past the hurt...to get past the anger...and then maybe I can see if there is anything left to save.

How do I do that when he refuses to give me more than 2 days at a time. He informed me that he can't live that way. He said he needed to be at home. So he is here.

I don't want to fight...but I also cannot pretend that we are a perfect happy couple. He brought me a bouquet of flowers...but all I could think of was the fact that he has only done that when he has screwed up and is asking for forgiveness. He wants me to pretend that everything is ok...and I cannot do that. So instead I go about my business. I don't start a conversation...and I only speak back when he talks to me. He wants me to tell him how I am feeling...but I cannot. The kids are here...I cannot talk without crying...so therefor I just keep telling him "not right now...this needs to wait till later when the kids are in bed"

I am struggling to decided what I should or should not be doing. I want him to understand that this is just one more time where my wishes are being ignored. Its one more time when he is deciding what we should be doing. I know that at this moment he cant win...if he is being an ass then I would be pissed because he doesnt need to act that way...but this acting like we are happy isn't working either. I just cannot do it.

I'm lost....I'm confused...and I'm suffocating

Stupid Is As Stupid Does (Zaad)

What. The. Fuck. Is. Up. With. Stupid. People?!

They're everywhere. Everywhere, I tell you! And some of them probably even think I'm the stupid one. Poor misgudied morons. Today was a day full of idiocy, if you haven't caught on. Of course, if you haven't caught on, I'm probably talking about you.

My dad made me a sign. I keep it by my computer:

"Life's tough. It's even tougher if you're stupid." - John Wayne

I like to look at it. But I also think it could read equally as well like this: "Life's tough. It's even tougher if you have to manage stupid people's bank accounts."

Because, well, duh.

Anyways, aside from people thinking it is MY job to keep an eye out for THEIR over-spending, I was also dropped this bomb on me today: the new guy, we'll call him Trickster, tells us today that he is actually enlisted in the military. And leaving for basic training in September for TWENTY ONE WEEKS.

Wha????? What the fuck? All I could mutter was: Information that would have been useful anytime in the last MONTH WHEN WE WERE MAKING. THE. SCHEDULE. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. Because you know what this means???? This means that for most of September and most of October, I will be the ONLY BANKER at my branch. My boss will be on maternity leave.

And we can't HIRE help because neither is losing their job, although I'd like to fire the Trickster's ass if I could, because really!? I just got the help I needed and now you're telling I won't have that help anymore??? And I fought for this guy! I voted for him between the two very qualified applicants. I LIKE him. Or I DID.

Anyways, how are you all?

Who They Are (Lulu)

Let me tell you about my parents....AKA ShaMom & ShaDad!! Two of the most amazing people that anyone could ever meet. I am very fortunate to be able to call them my parents and I thank God for them every day!

My dad made a comment the other day about how I have talked to mom about my situation but havent talked to him. He wasnt mad about it....just that we always talked so he was curious what was different now that I hadn't come to him at all. That really made me think....

Growing up I was lucky enough to have 2 parents that I knew I could talk to about ANYTHING!!! They were not only my parents....but my best friends as well. I spent many nights sitting up talking to my mom and then calling my dad at work (he worked midnights) just to talk. So why was it so different this time? Why did I feel I needed my mother over my father? Then it really hit me....I do need them both but at different times and for different reasons.

To me my mother represents strength. Plain and Simple! I cant really explain exactly why...maybe its cuz we are both women, maybe its cuz how she handles things, I really dont know. Dont get me wrong...she is also full of wisdom....they both are, but I call her when I need to feel strong. When I am not sure if I can make it thru something I call her. She makes me feel like I can handle anything...no matter how difficult it is! Its not that I need to hear her say that I am either right or wrong in the choices I make...I just need to hear her voice and I feel 100 times stronger.

I go to my father when I need order. I dont mean the everything in its place type of order...I'm talking about those times when your feelings are all jumbled up and you dont know how to sort them all out and put them in line to figure out just how your feeling. He doesnt tell me what I should or shouldnt do. Its not like that. For some reason he seems to ask the right questions or make the right statements that help me to look inside myself. I don't always come out of it feeling like I have all the answers and I dont need it to be like that. I come out of it feeling like I have a little more perspective on what I'm thinking and that then I can sit down and address each feeling individually and start to deal with them and make sense of them. I know that when I talk to him he is going to be honest and blunt. There is no sugar coating and I love that. But sometimes I need my mother first so I can feel strong enough to handle those emotions before my father tells me like it is. They really are the perfect balance.

Once I have gotten my strength from mom and some order from dad then I can talk to both of them and really listen to their wisdom. Take in everything they say and then decide which direction I need to take in order to make my heart happy again. I love that they dont tell me that I have to do things a certain way...they just give me the wisdom to be able to decide for myself what I need. I quite often feel like the luckiest person on earth to have them in my life.

I love you mom and dad!!! For the 100th time....I'm sorry (cuz now that I'm a parent I find myself feeling I need to say that for all the crap kids put their parents thru), and thank you for just being you!!!