Making the Rules (Lulu)

For 10 years my husband has pretty much ruled the roost and recently I have decided that it sucks!!!! So I started making some changes. When my son was a baby I was in a very abusive relationship where I let the man decide EVERYTHING for me. At the time I thought I was doing what was best for my son by putting up with the crap because I was very young and thought it would be worse for him if I was a single mom. Then I learned how wrong I was when the abuse trickled down to my boy. I quickly left the guy and vowed that I would never be in a situation like that again.

Now I have been married for 10 years and I realized that once again I have let a man decide everything for me. Now don't get me wrong....he has NEVER been physically abusive and I dont even think I would say he is emotionally abusive but he has this way of making me feel guilty about everything I do. When we get into an argument over something he has done that REALLY bothers me somehow, by the time we are done "discussing" the issue, I end up apologizing to him and trying to make him feel better.

A few weeks ago I decided I had had enough. I am tired of worrying about what makes him happy. I want to be happy for a change! So I finally told him just that. I have started being strong again and doing what I want to do. He has always decided exactly how the money is going to be spent (which is usually for some project he wants to do...or some trip he wants to take). Well NOT ANYMORE!!!! I put my foot down and booked a trip for myself, told him he is done with his projects for awhile unless he runs it by me first, I am putting some money into savings so that we wont struggle so much in the winter when we have no income, and I am getting something for the household that everyone gets to enjoy. And let me just tell you how great it feels to stand up for myself again. I also dont let him decided what I do on a daily basis. If I want to go somewhere and he doesn't I just leave him at home. I am also no longer at his beck and call for when he decides he has time for us. When I need him for something with the kids I tell him he has to be home. If he wants to spend time working on his car project he now has to check first and make sure that I don't need him to help run the kids to all there functions. The tables have turned and now I make the rules!

The surprising part is that his reaction to all of this is not at all what I expected. He has actually been great! We are having more family time and he is finally helping out around the house and with the kids. He has even started paying attention to what the rest of the house is doing and adjusting his work schedule so that he can be home when I need help! I no longer feel like a single parent. I actually feel like I have a partner! He even went out with Tink and I the other night and I had an absolute blast. He even told our biggest gray hair that Tink and I were so much fun to hang out with and that just seeing me smile so much made him soooo happy. Who knew that setting boundries and being a bitch would actually help my marriage.

I am not completely ready to say everything is perfect cuz he has been known to step up for a little while until he feels I am happy enough then he goes back to the old ways but maybe...just maybe....if I dont go back to being a doormat then maybe it will last! For now I am enjoying our time and taking it one day at a time!!