The What Ifs....(Lulu)

I am having a moment....I do not know how to handle it....Maybe writing will help, I just do not know....What If?

I had such an amazing weekend. I spent a lot of time just watching my gray hairs play. I watched them smile....I watched them have fun....Most importantly, I watched them be kids. I even got to forget about tomorrow for just a little while. We had my little gray hairs' birthday party today and she had sooooo much fun. Now the kids are in bed....and I am awake and thinking.....

What if.....?

Tomorrow is the big day. My soon-to-be-ex filed for full custody of our little gray hair and we go to court in the morning. My logical side knows that he will not win. I know I am a good mother. I see it every day in the two beautiful children that I have.

But what if......?

They smile more now than they have in years....And they hardly fight like they used to....

But what if.....?

They both say they love their father very much but that they still think I made the right choice!

But what if.....?

My children are my world....PLAIN AND SIMPLE! I live, breath, and exist every day because of them.....

But what if.....?

I have so many reasons as to why he will not win....I even have arguments to prove his reasoning for custody is wrong....and I continuously keep going through them in my head, but no matter what there is that lead weight on my heart that just wont throw away those stupid little what ifs?! I just want tomorrow to be over with so that weight will be gone and I will be able to breath normal again. It is not that I want to take the kids away from their dad....I just dont want them taken away from me.....Is that too much to ask?