Losing It (Lulu)

I just wanted to be able to say that through this whole divorce I was able to remain nice and respectful.....Who the hell was I kidding!!!!!!

Last night I lost it!!!! We were trying to work out the details of me moving out and signing the business over to him. I tried to do up the paperwork so that I not only covered my ass but it covered his as well. He wouldn't agree to any of the parts that covered me!! He got mad at me because I didn't "trust" him. How am I supposed to do that when more times than I can count he has said "I just keep thinking I should be a real asshole about all this!!!" I also just think it is smart for BOTH of us to have this in writing!

Needless to say we had to take it outside (cuz unfortunately this all took place at Bex' house)....sit in the truck...and hash it all out!

After awhile I just lost it! I did not sugar coat the reasons as to why I want a divorce! I was honest and blunt and no longer took his feelings into consideration. Part of me feels really bad about that though cuz I wanted to try and be as nice as possible...I wanted to be able to talk through all this stuff...I wanted to remain true to the type of person I am! I have always been pretty good about not letting my anger get to me and unfortunately that usually ends up with me getting the shaft but I was always able to be proud of how I handled myself. But THIS....THIS is getting harder and harder to remain nice! Why can't he see that I am just trying to do what is fair for both of us and the kids. I have no alterior motive like he thinks! And quite honestly if he were to put his emotions aside and really look at everything...I mean REALLY look at it all he would see that I am pretty much giving him everything....I am walking away with almost nothing! If he ends up making it so the courts have to decide everything then he will only have himself to blame when he has to pay up the ass and actually split the stuff with me!!!

But that is not how I want things to be....