The Break Up Kit (Zaad)

I did it.

I broke up with JD. :(

But I was prepared with my break up kit <- over there, first.  It was already pointed out to me that I forgot smokes and Diet Pepsi, but trust me, it's all right here next to me.

Bex was here for moral support (thanks, btw) and I was able to get through the horribleness of breaking up with someone.

I hated hurting him.  But I know in my heart it was the right decision.  I know this because, inside, I feel mostly relieved.  The pain I am feeling is mostly from feeling bad that I hurt him.  And I loved that he fit in so well with my friends and family.

If only he *got* me.... 

But he didn't, and I couldn't make him understand. 

I do want to say a big fat thank you to all 3 of my Girlz for being here for me.  Your texts and support mean so much.  I always know that I am never really alone.  I am lucky in that way.  And of course, to have my sister here was beyond helpful.  I was literally shaking.  I gave him the option of talking in person, but he just wanted me to say what I had to say and get it done with.

I told him the truth:  that I didn't feel that he and I were going to work;  that I felt like he needed to get his life together, on his own, and I couldn't have the pressure of making everything ok for him.  HE needs to do that.  I told him that everything felt like way too much for me;  that he wants a different type of relationship than I do.  I couldn't say much more than that, except that I was extremely sorry.  Because I am.

He's already been here to get his stuff.  It was extremely awkward.  But, now... now I am eating candy.

Am I EVER going to find someone that loves me as much as he did, yet gets me?  Am I ever going to find someone that can go at just the right pace?  Not too slow, not too fast, just normal?  Am I ever going to find someone who is both awesome and wants me for who I am? 

I'm not going to change.  I mean: hopefully I will always continue to grow and change and learn, but I'm not going to change who I am inside.  Not really.  I am who I am. 

Just sayin'.