This is Dh. I think he's very handsome. I tried for a year to convince myself that he's not but it just didn't stick.
Tonight I have been ordered by ShaDad (lulu's dad) to write because apparently we haven't been entertaining the grand parents very well lately. And who I am to disrespect my elders? I mean, I am a real shithead when it comes to a lot of things, but that's not one of them.
Lulu's parents came over to Bex tonight to visit one last time before they hit the road to Florida once again. They are awesome for a lot of reasons and one of them is that they are gypsies: they literally live in an RV and travel. All. The. Time. It's awesome. Of course, after a few minutes, ShaMom, whom I love dearly, turns to me and says: "So, I hear a new chapter has begun."
And by that, I assumed she meant "Seriously Sarah?! I heard you flipped out and upended your entire life AGAIN?! Are you NUTS?!" But you know, she's way more polite than me. That must be where Lu gets her tact from. I don't think it's from her father (no offense, ShaDad). What she said next was: "I guess the question is: do you still love him?" To which I said "Yes, I really do." And Bex put her two cents in with "She. Has. Never. Stopped."
She's right. I have never stopped loving dh. I never will. Dammitall to Hell, I honestly don't think I will EVER stop. Last night, I was fine, tonight I can feel that I am slightly more nervous about our first therapy session. But I'm still ready. The feelings that I have for dh are strong, stronger than anything I have ever felt in my life. And that goes for all the feelings I have for him: love, admiration, lust, fear, anger, and confusion.
That's kind of how I know I have to do this. There is absolutely no denying how my heart feels. Whether it's right or wrong, for the best or a complete disaster, I still love him with everything that I have. So much so that it hurts sometimes just FEELING. I never thought in a million years, we would actually get a second chance. But we do.
Now we just need to NOT fuck it up.
Seriously.
And just sayin'.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Getting Kinda Nervous...(Zaad)
Posted by DM at 4:33 PM
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3 comments:
You can only do what u feel is right/necessary. Leave it to ShaMom to get the conversation going...she is sooooo good at that!
You have a second chance, more than I had thirty years ago, my advice is explore the possibility to the end no matter if it be pain or pleasure make sure you take the road until it ends.
That's why every highway has a rest stop. So when you got to have a break and a stretch, a smoke and a bit of a run you gather enough of yourself together to take you to the next one.
The one thing though kiddo, everyone gets a flat tire and some engine problems along the way, you two are trying to fix what went wrong. If you don't like the mechanic, find another and another until you reach the end of the road. Don't quit halfway through.
wow - what great advice from the walking man. I have to agree with him. There is certainly karma that needs to be worked out between the 2of you. You already know what doesn't work, now you have to find what does. It won't be an easy journey, but well worth it in the end. Try not to play the blame game, it doesn't work and just brings up bad memories. Better to fucus on what you need from each other to make your relationship work,and are you willing to give it.
Be patient, hopefully you have the rest of your lives together and the journey of re-discovery can be such fun.
Lulu has gained her own special wisdom from life, I am so proud of her.
Be happy my dears, see you in the spring
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